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明明他才是出事那位,但每次都先安慰身邊人 — 羅冠聰

2017/8/21 — 21:59

圖中為石姵妍,圖右為羅冠聰。(守望前線提供圖片 / Tam Ming Keung)

圖中為石姵妍,圖右為羅冠聰。(守望前線提供圖片 / Tam Ming Keung)

【文:守望前線 Story Of the FronTiers 】

作者按:羅冠聰在學聯時期的戰友石姵妍,於羅冠聰被判刑後,寫下與他的回憶,以及共同在公民廣場內的經歷。

當日羅冠聰在公廣被捕,我就在他身旁,他對我說「唔使驚,冇事。」

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到今天他判監,還是安慰我說,「唔使擔心,你要保重。」

明明他才是出事的那位,但每次還是會先安慰身邊的人。

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初認識阿聰,是在學聯新莊的BBQ聚會中。那時對他印象不深,只記得他有時會傻笑,自我介紹時會說自己是「毒撚」,平時喜歡打機,偶然會去踢波,是一個再普通不過的香港男孩。到大家正式上莊,聚在學聯開會時才開始了解這個人。他說話很有條理,在分析運動策略時很「有文有路」。心地很善良,對同伴是非常照顧和很nice。那時,我們還沒搞511和罷課,學聯還只是一個寂寂無名的小組織。那段日子,算是我們在學聯裡過得最無憂最快樂的時光。

到後來籌備罷課,我們同屬節目部,一起安排罷課和集會的流程。衝入公民廣場那一晚,大部份學聯人都衝進公民廣場了,只剩少部份人還在外面,我和他就守在「命運自主」的大台。他從之鋒手上接過咪高峰的一刻,他聲音是微微顫動,也許其他人沒有留意到,但我隱約感覺到他是害怕的。但那時沒有其他學聯人能接咪(那時我聲帶已很沙),他唯有硬住頭皮頂上去。

約莫過了兩個鐘,公廣外聚集了愈來愈多的市民,他也開始喊得聲沙,我說要接力幫手嗌,他說「唔好,我已經預左會俾人拉,唔好連你都畀人拉埋。」

過一會兒,突然眼前一黑(警察在旁截斷了大台的電力,燈光和音響都全沒了)到我再回過神來便只見有兩個女警按著我,再看向阿聰已見他被六七個CID圍住。我意識到他們要拘捕聰了。但那時被按著什麼都做不了,只能急得哭起來。聰只是向我喊話,「冷靜啲,唔使驚,冇事。」很快,大台圍滿了憤怒的群眾,在混亂中其他學聯朋友把我拉落大台到別的地方去,最後我只能在遠處看著阿聰被帶上警車。

這件事一直埋在我心底裡,一直很想對聰說我很內疚。

為什麼當時我不堅持拿咪?為什麼最後在大台被帶走的只有他?為什麼是他被起訴?為什麼我沒能和他一起分擔?

每次想起此事都有很多情緒在翻滾,我也盡力壓抑自己回想這件事。儘管我們後來一同上58屆學聯莊,經歷了一整年的莊期,我也始終沒有對他敞開內心。

到了昨晚,我終於對他說「對不起,這個責任最後是由你一人擔當。很對不起。」,他回了一句「留著自由,可以飛更高。」今天在高院見他,我抱他的時候不斷在耳邊對他說「對不起」,他還是拍拍我頭安慰我「沒事,唔使擔心,你要保重。」
明明有事的是他,但我每次都是被他安慰的那位。

這幾天一直在想,為什麼香港的捍衛公義的青年都要被掉進監獄?我虧欠他們太多,香港人也虧欠他們太多。大家說他們是為了全香港人去坐監,那為什麼不是全部人一起承擔,獨獨就要犧牲他們十幾個?他們每一個都是再普通不過的年青人,平常喜歡行街食飯打機,看見不公義的事會站出來發聲。

也許,正直的人在強權下就無可避免要受打壓。

這幾天我們都很悲傷,但切記不要沉浸在悲傷之中。大家覺得很絕望,但不可以放棄尋找希望。即使是生活在黑暗中,我們也要摸著黑去尋找光明的道路。

大家努力。

Below is a piece by Shek Pui Yin, ex-member of HKFS and friend of Nathan Law Kwun Chung, one of the 3 protestors at the 926 Civic Square case:

When Nathan was arrested at the Civic Square, I was beside him. He told me, “Need not panic. It will be fine.”

When he was sentenced to imprisonment today, he was still reassured me, “Don’t worry. Take care.”

He was in fact the one caught in troubles, but he would always comfort people around him first.

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I first met Nathan at the barbecue gathering of the new cabinet for Hong Kong Federation of Students (FS). I did not have particular impression of him except that he sometimes wears a silly smile, introduced himself as a geek, with playing computer games as his hobby and plays football occasionally. Just like any other normal boys in Hong kong. It was not until we assumed office and gathered at FS for meetings that I started to understand this person. He speaks logically and has structured thoughts when analysing movement strategies. Those days were probably our happiest and most carefree period at FS. 

Later, both as programme team members when planning the student strike, we made arrangements and drafted assembly agenda together. The night we reclaimed Civic Square, most of our FS partners were inside the Civic Square, with only a handful outside. Nathan and I stayed at the “My fate, my call” stage (Note: “My fate, my call” was the slogan printed on the backdrop of the stage during strike week.) His quivered as he spoke after receiving the microphone from Joshua. Perhaps not many realized, but I could feel that he was frightened. But there was no other FS members to take over (I already had a hoarse voice then) and therefore he had no choice but to tough it out.

Approximately 2 hours later, more and more people gathered outside Civic Square. Nathan’s voice became more and more hoarse as well. I said I shall take over. He replied, “Don’t. I am prepared that I would be arrested. You can’t be arrested too.”

After a while, it was all blacked out. (The police cut off power supply to the stage. None of the lights nor sound system were working.) I only noticed two policewomen holding me down when Nathan was already being surrounded by 6-7 CIDs. I realized that they were going to arrest Nathan. I could not do anything with hands pushing me down but bursted into tears. Nathan shouted at me, “Stay calm. Don’t panic. It will be fine.” Shortly, angry crowd encircled the stage and I was being pulled to the side by other friends from FS. I could only watch Nathan being brought into the police vehicle from afar. 
This incident has been buried in my heart and I have been wanting to tell Nathan how guilty I was for that.

Why I insisted not to hold the microphone? Why it was only him that was being taken away from the stage? Why was it only him that was being charged? Why am I unable to share the burden with him?

Emotion is always stirred up whenever this incident is revisited and I have been trying to block thoughts on it. Although we worked together as the 58th cabinet of HKFS for one whole year later, I haven’t yet opened my heart to him still. 

It was just last night when I finally said to him “I am sorry, you are the one to bear this responsibility on your own at the end. I am sorry.”. He replied, “Hold onto your freedom to fly higher.”. When we met at High Court today, I could only murmur “sorry” into his ears when we hugged. He patted me on the head and reassured me, “It’s okay. Don’t worry. Take care.” 

He was in fact the one caught in troubles, but I am always the one being reassured by him.

 
I have been thinking these days, how come all youths safeguarding justice in Hong Kong have to be banished into jails? I owe them too much, Hongkongers owe them too much. It is said that they are serving sentence for all Hongkongers. Then why aren’t we sharing the load, but only sacrificing the 16 of them? Each of them is just the usual young person you would find on street. They love shopping, eating and playing computer games when free, as well as voice out against injustice.

Perhaps, honest people shall unavoidably be oppressed under strong regimes.

We are all very upset these few days. But please bare in mind not to be drowned by sadness. We feel hopeless, but do not give up the search for hope. Even if we are living in lightlessness, we must persist in darkness to look for the path leading to light.

Let’s strive together.

Photo Credit to Tam Ming Keung

Translation Credit to Translators for dialogue in HK

 

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